Super (dysfunctional) Nanny or Nanny Call 911

So in addition to Zombie, I've discovered another career path that I'm not cut out for: nannying. I babysat for my sister's 3 and 1 year-old little girls tonight and discovered I'm really good at being the fun aunt, but am terrible when any sort of real responsibility with children is required. The night started off well enough. We ate chicken nuggets, applesauce, and the usual fare. Afterwards we went to the pool. I was pretty proud of my pool performance. Everyone was sufficiently entertained and safety was maintained. We played dress up, put on PJ's, and settled in for a Winnie the Pooh DVD, and bottle. Here's where the night began to derail.

I should mention that the night was not flawless up to this point by any means. The dog snagged a good portion of food off the high chair tray of the one year-old and when I tried to put her downstairs she nipped at me and continued to growl loudly. The three year-old let me know that the dog 'never does that'. He dog later went on to throw up the table scraps onto the carpeted stairs.

When it came time for bed the one year-old took her bottle like a champ but instead of falling asleep she appeared to rally. All she wanted to do was wrestle with her sister, high five, and squeal with laughter at anything and everything. I tried to remove her from the situation and her hilarious sister and she was having none of it. I broke down and called my mom confirming every insecurity I have about being the baby sister of our family and lacking all maternal skill. I tried again to gently rock her to sleep and let her cry it out, but her wailing and thrashing was unrelenting. I called my mom again and living 2 miles away she offered to come over to assist the situation. Not 3 minutes after I got off the phone, the baby with one last shriek and squirm gave up the fight and fell asleep in my arms. Official bedtime: 1 and 1/2 hours later than intended.

Many women my age have children of their own and I am forced to call my mother for reinforcements during one night of babysitting. I'll tackle the challenges of parenthood soon enough, but for now you can scratch Nanny off my list of potential career paths.

PS- I am watching my friend Sam's girls this coming week (hi Sam). Just a disclaimer to Sam and anyone else worried about this: I think I thrive with toddlers +. It's the non-verbal babies that I seem to struggle with. I swear.

Zombie Round Up

One of our Young Life kids Sam sent me some info about working as a zombie during the Halloween season at the ranch he works for. I'm still not sure if he was being serious or not. I think serious. He said it could be a lot of fun and provide some seasonal employment. The "Zombie Round Up" ad calls for "dedicated individuals who have an extreme passion and creative talent for makin’ people shake in their boots!" This would not be me, but seeing as how the job hunt hasn't been going so hot, let's just say my mind started considering options like this.

I started thinking, "Maybe I can work a bunch of super random and slightly entertaining jobs for a year and write about my experiences." It would be like the show Dirty Jobs. I would do it in the name of journalism. I started preparing my This American Life submission in my head. Think of the stories I would have to tell and if I could refine my writing I might actually be able to produce some good journalism.

I logged onto the haunted ranch's website (just for kicks) and quickly decided I could not go through with this plan. First of all I hate ghost stories, scary movies, and all other things haunted. No joke I almost didn't want to send my resume for event planning to some historic mansions that host receptions because they have reports of "friendly" ghosts. Friendly or not I am not interested in toying with the idea of whether or not ghosts exist. That stuff just creeps me out, real or not, I don't care, too creepy. Anyway so the haunted ranch website has spooky sounds playing in the background when you log onto the site. You know whistling wind and that sort of thing. I had to mute my computer just to read the home page. They set up this story that the ranch had to relocate it's pumpkin patch last year because the old site was having mysterious happenings like missing ranch hands and reports of ghosts. Even the animals were becoming possessed at night. Most people would read this and giggle over its silliness. Me, I get spooked. How could I ever work at a place where I'm the one who is responsible for scaring others when I myself would be too scared to be out in the woods by myself?

So there goes the zombie career path.

Keep Trying

"There is no failure except in no longer trying. "

~ Elbert Hubbard

So I sent in my resume and website to a lot of places today and did follow up phone calls with a batch of places I sent my stuff to last week. "We're not hiring at this time." I know, I know...but I'm good. Trust me you might not have it in your budget to add on a new salary, but I'd be really good for you. These are the things I want to plead from my end of the phone. Do you understand that a job search in this market, for a job that I may have the skill set for but not the exact experience in, is forcing me to face my fear of failure like never before. I can't just not look for a job to avoid failure and rejection. In order to succeed I have to try and subsequently fail. The Hubbard quote is encouraging today as I face no after no.

BUT there is hope yet. The #1 place I've wanted to work since beginning to explore the market has yet to reject me. They've yet to get back to me, but still. If you are a praying person send one up to the Big Guy for me and this job. In the meantime I'll just keep chanting to myself, "Keep trying, keep trying, keep trying."

The Temptation of Sequins and Polyester

Since I don't have any income, well, in-coming, I haven't been spending any money on non-essentials. A lack of income is a very scary experience and something I am being forced to take very seriously. But I'm going to write today about the lighter side of this reality.

We were at the mall...step 1 of what not to do if you're trying to not spend any money. We actually had to go since Daniel needed to try on some pants he is wearing in our friends Beth and Jeff's wedding (hi Beth if you're reading). Forever 21 just opened their new gigantic location in this mall now making my number one clothing destination only 10 minutes from my doorstep. A lot of my friends make fun of my allegiance to Forever 21. They typically fall into one of two groups: group 1 views the store simply from the outside assuming that it contains only neon, sparkly, trashy, cheap college girl going-out-to-the-club clothing while group 2 is comprised of friends from the Standard world (the boutique my husband works at) who view Forever 21 as cheap, tacky, and full of bad knock offs and why would I need to shop outside of the gorgeous locally owned and operated fashion destination that I call family? (Let me plug this wonderful boutique to assert my loyalty before I continue on about my love for Forever 21.)

A large portion of my wardrobe is from Forever 21 and not to discredit the fine workmanship of other stores, but frequently people ask if my shirt or skirt came from J.Crew or Standard or one item imparticular has been mistaken for Marc by Marc on multiple occasions. When shopping there I am able to bypass the racks of too short skirts and locate the real gems and acquire items that help me to create a wardrobe I am proud of. Now that I've stated my defense for why Forever 21 is my main shopping destination, I'll continue my story.

So we're at the mall, I can't spend any money, and I find numerous items I would love to purchase. The problem was really two-fold though. Not only do I wish I could buy up each $9.80 shirt and $14.90 skirt and especially that oh-so-reasonably priced white blazer I've been looking for that runs for only $22.80, but maybe even more so, I wish I had somewhere to wear all of those clothes. All joking aside let me share my sadness.

Unemployment is hard on a lot of levels. I tried to prepare myself for this stage of in-between-ness, but it's hit me harder than I anticipated. The lack of purpose is a killer. I can't even begin to imagine the weight of this for those who have been laid off unexpectedly or who have been without a job for longer than a mere month. I'm just itching for this next stage of life to begin already. I'm feeling very impatient. I want to be a part of something bigger to give myself to. I want to join the rest of the working world as we labor together making things run. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that the world is moving forward and everyday I'm not working I'm getting left behind.

Sorry to get so heavy there, but I really, really want to wear that Forever 21 white blazer with a crisp oxford and chic shorts, oh and my brown wedges, to an interview, or to do paperwork, to run and get someone else coffee, anything really. I don't want to get left behind while everyone else is working (and wearing cute clothes while they're at it).

White Girl Problems

My being unemployed provided me the opportunity to spend a little time at the pool this afternoon. I may have fallen asleep for a brief moment (or two) while laying out. As a result my back is red and burnt. As I was thinking of complaining about my predicament I realized this is a "white girl problem". If you are not familiar with this term it's from Twitter. @whitegrlproblem is the Twitter featuring the ridiculous crisises of overprivileged and entitled young ladies. I instantly felt guilty for even thinking of complaining about getting burnt because I enjoyed an hour laying poolside. Ugh, I'm a terrible person.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Does reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies make me less or more intelligent?

One could argue either way. On the one hand I am well read enough to fully enjoy the satire of the rewrite because I catch all of the references to the original. On the other hand the book could be deemed an abomination of the original and one's enjoyment of such a mockery could thus deem him or her as foolish.

I think to rewrite an Austen classic with the inclusion of zombies and have your story actually make it into bookstores is a challenging task that only an intelligent and witty person could accomplish. It's very clever and I'm enjoying it even if that makes me part of an abomination.

The Prayer of St. Patrick

Today at church we sang St.Patrick's prayer. 
Here are some of the phrases of the prayer:

Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ above me, Christ below me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I rise,
Christ is with me, Christ is in me.
Amen. Amen.

Ian the worship leader prayed at the end of the song about
how he often pictures the before and behind,the above and
below, and the left and the right to be abstract places,
just giving us a picture that God is with us. He went on
to make an observation about Christ being in the very
people that surround us on our left and right. A lovely
picture, but it got me thinking in an even different way.
The prayer was just another way of God saying to me that he
is present in my current situation of looking for a job and
all the stress and tension that situation brings with it.
He has gone "before" me; he's cleared the path for my
future. He knows what's next and has prepared the way. He
has been behind me; he's proven that he will be there again
this time just as he's been for me all those times in the
past. He is above me; he's from a more perfect, beautiful,
and peaceful place and longs to have his will be done here
on Earth as it is in heaven. He is below me; even when I go
to dark places where there's sin and where I mess up, he goes
there too. There's nowhere I can hide from his spirit; he will
follow me even to the depths. These picture were so tangible
for me today and exactly the encouragement I needed to hear as
I'm in the waiting period where I can only dream and wonder
about what could be next for me. He is with me. He is in me.
Amen. Let it be so.