The Chambray Shirt Club

We were witnesses tonight to Lebron James as the Heat came to town to play a pre-season game against the Thunder. Our good friends Huy and Jessie joined us for a very fun night. Daniel and I met up after work and realized we were dressed the same (black/navy pants, blue button up shirt). I bought a $5 GRAY shirt from work...problem solved. When we got to the Sprint center Daniel went straight inside and I waited for our friends. When I saw Huy walk up the first thing I said was, "You and Daniel are wearing the same shirt." Unlike he and I wearing similar shirts, Huy and Daniel were wearing the exact same shirt. The situation made for some great photo ops. At least we all have the same style in common.

Sequins for the Soul

Chicken Soup for the Soul is a fine series of books for anyone looking for a little warm and fuzzy sensation. As opposed to the uplifting inspirational stories found in these books, my Chicken Soup for the Soul happens to be in the form of sequins. While I was still looking for a job I wrote this post about longing for a paycheck so I could purchase even the most affordable items of clothing from the mall. It was entitled "The Temptation of Sequins and Polyester". The more profound sentiment that arose from that post was while writing it realizing that it wasn't necessarily the clothes themselves that I wanted as much as I was wanting a purpose and place to wear them to. It was while writing this post that I was first able to articulate to myself my fear in unemployment of being "left behind" while everyone else went off to their jobs.

Well here we are just a short while later and not only am I dually employed, but working for my dream wedding coordination firm. And to top everything off...I bought sequins today. The deep pink sequin pencil skirt I've been eyeing in our store since I first started has gradually made its way to the sale rack and I've watched it move around our store since day one. Our family budget is still to be determined as we try and reconfigure numbers with my new income, so my clothing allowance hasn't really existed since June. The other night Daniel dropped a number on me giving me the all clear to go ahead and buy something this month. I immediately began planning what item or items I would get. The sequin skirt was on the top of the list and today was the big day that I could at last make her mine. She went on sale online and so I had a hunch that I would find her price reduced even further when I went back into the store today to get her. Sure enough she had been marked down yet again. I literally jumped up and down as I embraced her in my arms. My co-workers giggled and celebrated along with me. She was originally $138 and I walked away with her for $25 leaving me some extra money for an additional purchase.

It may sound dumb, but for anyone who loves clothes like I do, you get it. And for anyone who's been unemployed and unable to purchase non-necessities, you know what it's like when you get to make your first "fun" purchase after starting work again. My "cherry on top" of receiving a regular paycheck came disguised as sequins: a fitting symbol I think. They're sparkly, shiny, pretty. They're almost like fireworks. And nothing says "party" or "celebration" like sequins. Having a job is a party indeed.

On Becoming Domestic

Two circumstances collided recently leading to my domestication. Up until the past few weeks I have not been much of a domestic goddess. I don't really cook and cleaning is reserved for house visits from friends. However with working jobs that take place outside of my home office and having more distinct days off, I've tried to begin a rhythm of housework. The first of my two days off is reserved for complete relaxation, a sort of sabbath. I don't have to run any errands, clean, or do much of anything I don't care to do. I can read, watch TV, nap, and all of this is done guilt free because I know a. I worked the past 5 days and b. tomorrow is reserved for cleaning and tending to the house. Last week Daniel and I celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary and one of my contributions to the celebration was to cook each day of that week. I made double chocolate muffins (out of a box, but still), chicken noodle soup and corn bread muffins, and spaghetti and meatballs.

I've made a handful of other meals over the past few weeks as well and have to say that part of me is beginning to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It's nice to have vacuumed carpets and clean laundry, not to mention clean sheets. This is all very much out of character for me, but you can teach an old dog new tricks and hopefully this domestication will stick. I can't believe I'm 29 and just now embracing my wifely domestic side. At Target today Daniel and I discussed how it took me a very, very long time to embrace my feminine side. Target is selling glitter-skeletons as part of their Halloween decorations. I said I am drawn to anything these days covered in glitter or sequins (as evidenced by my recent wardrobe obsessions). We started discussing how I think I'm making up for all the glitter and sparkle I passed up as a little girl. I wasn't a full on tomboy, but I certainly wasn't girly. I was just a rough and tumble kid. I played with Barbies, but I didn't dress myself up like her. I braided my 'My Little Pony's' mane, but didn't know how to braid my own hair. (I still to this day have no idea how to french braid.) I didn't even own or carry a purse until after graduating college. Even then my first purse was tiny and I gradually worked up to a more conspicuous bag as opposed to the earlier models that remained tucked discreetly under my arm. I've psycho-analyzed myself and my delayed femininity to understand where all this comes from, but the purse example is the best outward evidence of my inner dilemma.

These days I love girly things. My favorite skirt is one made of feathers followed closely by my sequin mini. I am coveting a pair of Steve Madden glitter kitten heels and saving my pennies for a pink sequin pencil skirt from the store I work at. And my purse...well these days I carry one adorned with a giant gold chain and big enough to fit a stack of file folders. It seems that cooking and cleaning are just a natural progression in this process. I take pride in my elementary cooking skills and no longer apologize for or laugh at my lack of skill when serving meals to friends. Someone said the meatballs the other night were some of the best he'd ever had. I'm not trying to win any Susie-Homemaker awards or begin a blog highlighting my domestic prowess (I'll leave that up to my very, very talented friends whom I'm sure Daniel would be delighted to have care for our home and cook us gourmet dishes as would I), but I'm gaining confidence in this arena. Just as I gained courage to carry a bigger and bigger purse, signifying that yes indeed I am a female, I'm hoping to gain confidence in the kitchen and in other domestic arenas as well. Wish me luck.

Pessimistic

I took a little blogging vacation. I've been keeping busy living a normal productive life instead of holed up in bed riddled with anxiety. Living inside of structure and routine have given me such freedom and I can say this is the best I have felt in a very long time. Daniel and I were talking about the changes he's seen in me since transitioning into my new jobs and lifestyle. It's good to know that there's actually evidence of my new found health. He notices a difference; it's not just me thinking I'm doing better.

Here's how unaccustomed I am to feeling this stable: I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out. I will find myself overcome with feelings of absolute dread and try to remember what it is that I'm afraid of exactly. There's nothing though. I have nothing to feel anxious or fearful of, but my mind is so used to frequent periods of dread, fear, and worry that it creates those emotions even when there's nothing to worry about. I keep thinking that everything is going to collapse or fall apart like there's no way things could actually feel good for this long of a stretch. How horrible is that? I am so used to contentment feeling fleeting that it's hard for me to accept that healthy "normal" people can enjoy this sense of stability for extended periods of time. I don't trust life, myself, or my emotions. Something's got to fall apart sooner or later. Right?

I do not want to live this way just waiting for the impending disaster. I think it will just take time as I continue to test the waters and realize that I don't have to carry an umbrella on me as I wait for the rain. I can relax for once instead of bracing for impact from the most recent task I've fallen short on again. It's October now which means it's 4th quarter for this little blog project. I'm hoping to finish these final 3 months strong. I don't mean not missing posts or refining my writing. I mean living. I still have a whole quarter to go so I don't want to start evaluating now, but I can confidently say that I am different because of this blog. I hope the 4th quarter is filled with an even more increased amount of freedom from perfectionism, bravery in the face of fear and anxiety, and an enjoyment of life just as it is: good, bad, and even just mediocre at times.