A quick disclaimer: My blog is not private and I choose to continue to keep it open because I want to make myself, my experiences, and my heart available to other people. Many people would not be able to read along if they were forced to expose their anonymity by becoming an official "follower" in order to have access to me and what I'm trying to share here.
That being said because my words are public I am not ready to speak publicly about a recent loss that Daniel and I are currently grieving. But if this had happened in 2010 I would have forced myself to post something, anything as part of my Year of Living Imperfectly daily post challenge. The good and the bad. In the best of times and the worst of times, I committed to sharing myself and exposing myself to friends and family who read along and to those anonymous souls across computer screens who may have stumbled upon my journey. Last year's blog project was life altering for me and has changed who I am and how I live. So on this day, in the worst of times, I feel compelled to share something, anything.
As I begin to weep at my keyboard, this is what I can share today.
This is a picture from Young Life's annual All City club where kids from all the Kansas City and surrounding suburban schools get together for a giant club all together. Daniel and I have had the privilege the past few years to lead these couple hundred kids in song at each year's event. The singing is fun, but the view is something I wish everyone could experience. So here it is. I took a picture one year because I wanted people to see this event from our perspective, from the best seat in the house.
This particular year Daniel and I's leader from our high school days at Oak Park got to speak. I took my seat alongside the crowd and listened to Peach's words to this crowd. Is this what Jesus saw when he spoke to the masses? Is this what He felt when "He had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd"? I don't remember Peach's whole talk because I wasn't present for most of it. Let me explain. He was telling a story, which I can't remember the point of, about trying to have a conversation with God while driving in his car and Nelly's rap song "Grillz" came on. Peach then proceeded to play a clip of the song for all the kids and encouraged them to respond "however they wanted". The result? Well these high school kids came to life. A few of them stood up and began dancing, showing off their best moves for their 400 peers in the room. Most sang/rapped along. I watched and was overcome and burst into tears. I caught a glimpse of the way God sees his kids. I watched sensing the heart of the proud Father who loves, I mean LOVES teenagers. We've all been teenagers and there's no denying that this is a special time of life so unique to any other age we will experience. The moment simply was kids being kids and me falling completely in love with them for being exactly that.
I ducked out the side door and broke down outside overwhelmed by love for the hundreds of kids on the other side of the wall.
Today I hold onto this memory and to the overwhelming love that I still feel for teenagers and for the God who loves them and me more than I can ever comprehend.
