Bucket List: Check

So this happened tonight...


Bucket List Item: Sing Karaoke...check!

We ventured into Branson with some of our fellow marriage retreaters for a night on the town and ended up at a highly recommended karaoke bar. Karaoke (in public) has been sitting untouched on my bucket list, so after lots of encouragement and bravery demonstrated by my friends who sang before me, I made my debut. I opted for a duet with Daniel. I figured why not share my first experience with my beloved. What song did I christen my karaoke experience with you ask? Why it was Summer Nights from Grease. There is a little more to the story and pictures of the performances before me that I will share in a later post. But for now I am proud to check that item off the list. And I will for sure be making my way to the stage again sometime soon. It was everything I'd hoped it'd be.

The Wilderness Suite

Daniel and I are at a marriage retreat with Young Life this weekend down at Big Cedar Lodge. We just checked into our room and I had one of those want-to-jump-on-the-bed sort of moments. There are 4 dead stuffed animals in just our room, one pelt, and 2 more sets of antlers...so you do the math as to how many actual dead animals are represented in our suite. I was sitting on the edge of the bed unpacking when I was surprised by a bobcat critter guy staring back at me while perched above the TV. One word for how I'm feeling about this suite..AWESOME.

One Woman's Unemployment is Another Woman's New Job

I totally butchered that phrase but you get what I'm saying. So it's official: we've hired a fantastic person to replace me as Area Director. The whole process was kind of extraordinary and a story worth sharing. On a Thursday morning in March I met with my committee chair to tell him I was going to leave YL staff. That afternoon I called my boss to tell him. The next morning I told all my staff friends at our Friday morning prayer meeting. On Monday I told my committee. Wednesday I told my leaders and kids. I had just completed telling everyone about my leaving when I received a call from a friend and former YL volunteer leader. She left me a voicemail saying she had just returned from a spring break road trip and was feeling both called away from teaching and called into full time ministry. After talking to my boss, I called her back. She had no idea I was leaving and after realizing the strange coincidence of me feeling called away and her feeling called into ministry, God's plan seemed pretty clear. A month and series of interviews later, she was solidified as my replacement.

Back in January when God started stirring in me, he was also stirring in Tracee. As I wrestled with the idea of leaving my job and full time ministry, Tracee was wrestling with leaving her job and heading into full time ministry. As I started dreaming about life outside ministry, Tracee started dreaming about life outside teaching. Both of us would say we are now pursuing our dreams; it's just funny that what I'm leaving behind to pursue mine is what she's heading into to pursue hers. All of us are living out the stories God has written for us. We're all on different paths, some run in opposite directions, some run parallel to one another, and sometimes they intersect. I'm so grateful that Tracee and I's paths crossed one another at such special times for both of us. Aside from being thankful that she is the very worthy candidate that will lead our area, I'm thankful that I got to witness someone else make a dramatic life transition at the same time as me. Though we're sort of swapping roles, through our shared transitions we are somehow in this together.

I was listening to Itunes on my computer while working today and Martin Sexton's In the Journey began playing. I bought the album at the end of college and listened to it a lot while driving back and forth between Columbia and Kansas City. I-70 is one of my favorite stretches of earth because of the countless drives I've made where I've just sat alone with my thoughts and sometimes some music. This topic will end up becoming a post of its own, but let's just say I've shed a lot of tears during these two hour commutes. There's a tenderness and vulnerability inside me that I'm able to tap into while driving alone. The Martin Sexton album accompanied me on many of these tearful trips, so when I heard his voice begin the opening lyrics of In the Journey today, I was taken right back to I-70 again. Memories of graduating college, beginning life as a pseudo adult, and the uncertainty of all that lie ahead flooded my mind...and my eyes. I started tearing up right there at my desk.

It's fun to be in this place of uncertainty again, stretched enough that the lyrics of this song mean something again.

"It's in the journey that we see there's no destination."

"I don't know where I'm going, I don't know just where I've been."
"We gotta dig down inside and hold on. Hold on for the ride."

Serenity Now!

Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. Inhale, exhale. Serenity now!

I am not easily angered. Annoyed perhaps, but genuine steam-coming-out-of-my-ears angry, rarely. 99.9% of the times I have been angry in the past year and a half have been the result of actions by one specific person. Oooh they know how to make my blood boil. They don't do it on purpose. In fact most times I am angered by them, they are completely unaware of my frustration. How can two people who share so many things in common find themselves at such odds with one another? We are never on the same page...ever.

I had a Bible study leader who once shared with us that sometimes God will put someone in our lives at a specific time to develop a specific virtue in us. For example if I'm having a hard time being patient, it's not another person's fault, but rather they are there to teach me how to become more patient. It's like a practice drill. In order to develop patience, said patience must be tested, exercised, and refined in order to tone and strengthen the patience muscle. Well I don't know what God is trying to teach me through placing this person in my life; after talking with them all I want to do is a. bang my head against the wall, b. poke my eye out with a pen, or c. slam my hand in the car door.

I thought I was an easy going, accepting, happy go lucky kind of gal. Apparently this person is there to serve as a reminder that I'm not as laid back, go with the flow, status quo as I thought. Maybe I am petty, prideful, and quick tempered. I might even become a "yeller". That's a funny thought. I'd like to see video footage of me actually yelling at someone.

Just needed to vent tonight after my buttons were pushed a few short minutes ago. Watching this makes me feel better too:

An Open Letter to a Boston Terrier

We were at Independence Center today which is one of the only local malls that still has a pet store, so whenever we're there we visit the puppies. We used to visit the animal shelter pretty regularly (even when not actually in the market for a new dog). I think we viewed ourselves as kind of candy stripers for the dogs: kind faces and kind words to comfort the sad sacks at the shelter. Our visit to the puppies today reminded me of a letter I wrote to one of the shelter dogs after a less than encouraging trip to the shelter.

An Open Letter to a Boston Terrier

Dear Sir,

Today at the animal shelter you were quite rude. I thought I should warn you concerning this behavior since your life is on the line. When we approached your kennel the growling was rather unnecessary. Worse still when we reached to read your information poster, your snarl and attacking lunge were fairly jarring. I have found that most adopters would not find these actions appealing in a prospective pet.

Now sir you have an astute stature and an agreeable face. These qualities make for an excellent first impression behind the kennel bars. I’m sure you have much to offer. But you simply are not putting your best foot forward.

I see pain behind those angry eyes and am sure you have quite the story as to how you ended up on death row. Owners can be wanting and the world an unforgiving place. Your new family would love to help you work through your abandonment issues. But first sir you must remove the protective shield around your broken heart and let them in.

Please take heed to my words as I fear your time is running short. Sir you have been given a second chance. And though all dogs go to heaven I would certainly feel sad if you missed out on life here with a new loving family.

Signed,

A concerned citizen and animal lover

PS- You might try wagging your tail. Humans love that as we do not have tails of our own in which to wag.

The Fun Police

I've had the best two days! I drove back from my raucous romp with the Udell clan in St. Louis, went to a meeting back in Lee's Summit, and then headed straight to Lawrence to accompany Daniel for his visit with David and Kelsey for official wedding DJ business that turned into an awesome Monday Funday.

Daniel has always said that if he won the lottery and didn't have to work that he would create a job for himself. This job would consist of taking people to lunch, lending them a listening ear, providing encouragement, and paying for their burger. After spending my last two days with people first in St. Louis and then a 5 hour trip West to Lawrence, I've realized that this would be my ideal job too. Our job description at its basic level would be hanging out with people. Our official title would be The Fun Police. On our drive home from Lawrence we gave this job position its title. At first I thought The Fun Police was always a term referring to people who are Debbie Downers who prohibit fun. Daniel said his take on the term was actually more positive where The Fun Police are actually the ones providing and regulating the fun. Managing it and funneling it in order to increase its presence.

So at some point in our lives, when we are independently wealthy, Daniel and I will for a firm called The Fun Police where we will take people out, entertain them, make them laugh, pay for their dinner and drinks, encourage them, and overall just make them feel really good about themselves. It will be more fun than counseling and less specific than life coaching. But it may be more productive and life-giving than both of these fields. Remember the last time that you had a really good night or laughed till you cried? That's what we would provide: Life.

So look out for The Fun Police. We may be coming to a town near you. Get ready to have a good time.

Annie x 5

I'm in St. Louis visiting my friend Annie from Chicago. I'm lucky enough that her brother got married within driving distance for me to come visit her. I got much more than I bargained for in my trip by getting to spend the day with not just Annie, but also her two brothers, new sister-in-law, mom, and grandma. This family is amazing. Each conversation is like a stand-up routine. Every story could be turned into an SNL skit. Each member of the family is their own character in a comedy of epic proportions. They play off of each other so well as to entertain new guests and anyone within earshot. And they sure know how to crack each other up. The maid of honor's comment was, "You guys laugh REALLY loud at everything, even if it's not that funny." Whether it's a story of John winning $11,000 at the slots, indulging his Looney Toons obsession as a teenager, Annie's bell bottoms, wig worn to prom, or stories of her as an on air radio personality, or Joey's night terrors and horseback riding, these siblings are crazy, hilarious, and the most likable threesome you'll ever meet. And boy do they know how to love. They wear their emotions on their sleeves. They have showered their new sister-in-law with welcoming words, hugs, and a little hazing. I have felt like an honorary member of the family today and this is a clan I could get used to.

A Night to Remember

Hip hip hooray for new followers! Again, thanks to everyone who reads. I can't explain to you how encouraging it is to receive texts and emails from people who say that they've been reading. Your participation validates my experience somehow and takes it beyond just an online journal to a communal experience. I don't know how this works, but it makes my experience more powerful to know that you're sharing it with me. Thank you!

So tonight I got the opportunity to volunteer at the coat check for West's prom. I try not to take these experiences for granted because how many adults can relive such authentic, nostalgic experiences like prom. Because of working for Young Life, I get a front row seat for classic, all-American traditions and rites of passage like state football, choir concerts, and school dances. Can you remember your own prom? Your date? Your tux or dress? Where you ate? Limo or Uncle Larry's borrowed Mercedes? Last song? After party?

Prom hasn't changed much over the years. Sure the DJ plays different songs and the styles of dresses and suits changes a little over time. But in a lot of respects kids are the same as they were "back then". Some are excited for the chance to get all dressed up and come the closest they can to imitating what it is to be an adult. Some kids know they're supposed to go and so they participate in all the traditions and try to have fun despite feeling completely awkward in a series of foreign situations. And then others sit at home; some perfectly content ignoring the event completely and others longing to be there, wishing they'd been asked or had someone to ask, wishing they'd been a part of all the pomp and circumstance.

The rainbow of sherbet colored dresses paraded by my station. The rhinestones sparkled on their straps, shoes, and hair barrettes. The guys discarded their jackets at the coat check without regard for their already wilting boutonnieres. The flowers just serve as a type of clock indicating the impending stroke of midnight where the charade will be over, the carriages will turn into pumpkins, and these debutantes and princes will turn back into kids.

Adolescence is a crazy, confusing, uncomfortable, and yet still magical time of life. Prom is a microcosm of those years; old enough to desire all the aspects of adulthood, but too young to actually understand what that entails. It's a beautiful time (aside from all the acne. Though I'm 28 and still struggling with bad skin, so maybe that's just a symptom of my delayed adolescence).