Chilean Miners and an Existential Crisis

So the Chilean miners story is a pretty fascinating one. We haven't had "rescue" stories when it comes to the mining accidents in the US over the past few years. The thought of 2 months underground is classified as a horror movie plot. My claustrophobia is in full effect just thinking about the suffocating lack of air, space, light, and freedom. I can't even imagine what it was like or what it took for them to survive such a terrifying ordeal. How is any human that patient allowing them to simply wait it out?

The night the first miner was pulled out I was watching CNN with the rest of the world glued to the TV. They brought on a psychologist to comment on the mental toll an accident like this can take on a victim and what they can expect in the coming months and years. Her insights were extremely profound and I found myself contemplating my own existence after her brief 3 minute segment. She explained that an event like this will cause an existential crisis. She pointed out that for the first 17 days or something they had absolutely no contact with the outside world. They were left down there to think or assume or conclude whatever they wanted to about their fate. If it had been me I would have assumed it was the end. But here they were being lifted out of that little metal shuttle retrieving them from the dark depths. Here's where she got poignant. She said their ascent to the surface and stepping out of that tube resembled birth. It was like they were entering the world for the first time all over again. Woah. She used another word too: reboot, like as in a computer. She said when you face death like they each did and then go on to live after facing your own demise that you can feel like you're starting over (in a good way). This is the thought of having a second chance at things. You've stared down the thought of losing everything and now that you've been given it all back, will you be any different?

I began asking myself these same questions. But first do I have to go through a traumatic experience to alter my life? Could I evaluate how I'm living and change my course just through some introspection? What would I change? Could I live better? What is stopping me from living like I'm just grateful to still be here?

My niece's brain tumor was life altering for everyone in our immediate family. It certainly changed our family dynamic for the better. We are more open, vulnerable, and emotionally available. But I've written before that life still goes on and the petty, everyday things creep back in. For a while I was grateful for things returning to normal. When you're sitting in the waiting room during surgery, normal feels like a lofty prayer. Survival and just scraping by are what you beg for. Normal, that's a luxury. So yes childhood cancer will rock you, but to what extent and for how long? Can I foster a spirit of gratitude like I had when we were in the thick of it?

It's not too late for me to live better. That sentiment is at the heart of this blog project. Can I shake off this fear and insecurity? Can I shed this perfectionism and just accept reality? Can I attack my dreams with confidence and let go of all the things out of my control? I think I can. I think I will. I had better before I end up at the bottom of a mine wishing I'd really lived while I had the chance.

Third Job...but Seriously

My journal entry today literally started with, "I feel like I'm right back where I started." Turns out it's harder to work as a princess than anticipated, which leads me to another job search as I try to move closer to a full 40 hour work week. Since I already have two jobs I didn't think this search would be as discouraging as the first, but it's no picnic. Where do I start? What should I try? How many hours is it offering? What does it pay? I think my discouragement comes from needing something that pays more than $8.50 but is still flexible enough and temporary enough to allow for me to really pursue wedding planning as that position grows in the next year.

The amount of work I'm currently doing and the pay is what older wealthy women do. You know just work for something fun to do, for the discount on clothes, for who knows why (if I was rich I wouldn't work 'for fun'). I need an income. I need to contribute to my family. Ugh this is hard. One job I think could be fun is to work in an elementary school library. Today I happened to find that position in my own school district nonetheless! I couldn't believe it. I clicked on the little button that said enthusiastically, "I want to apply for this position!" It sent me to a screen that said the application deadline had passed. I looked at the listing again and realized I had missed the cutoff by (ready for this?) 45 minutes. I called human resources and was told this was a 'hard deadline' meaning I cannot apply after the fact. Seriously? I have to trust that it wasn't meant to be, but seriously, c'mon! Wish me luck as I continue my search. I need it.

Third Job

So wedding season is coming to a close in the next few weeks which means I won't have as much work available....which means I will probably need to get a third job during the quiet months of winter. So here I am pondering a job search yet again. This round is a little different because there's not as much pressure to find the "just right" thing (or two in my case) because I do have some form of income and this would be to supplement that. I've been contemplating options that are a little outside of the box. I have 5 or so months of slow/down time to fill. The option I am most wanting to research is that of princess. "Princess," you ask. Yes princess. My niece went to a birthday party where Ariel, otherwise known as the Little Mermaid, visited. I guess there's a woman who sends out different princesses to little girls' birthday parties. This falls right in line with my desire to be a mascot at some point. I don't know what it is about performing in costume that appeals to me. The other option along these lines is being some form of a holiday princess at a local shopping mall. Some places supplement visits to Santa with a visit to see the Winter Fairy Princess or something like that. How great would it be to wear a big gown, sit on a throne, and grant the Christmas wishes of little children all while yielding a wand? Does anyone have any connections or "in's" that they could use to help me land a princess gig? I'm all full of magical cheer and enchantedness.