You Know You're a Perfectionist When...

You know you're a perfectionist when you'd rather be a part of a devastating traffic accident than be late for work.

I had to be at work at 8am today and I didn't add in enough time to my commute to accommodate rush hour. As a result I was 2o minutes late. I.was.mortified. Ugh it was horrible. I was so embarrassed. In the Grandview Triangle, the intersection of all southern KC highways, I sat in standstill traffic atop an overpass that had undergone major repairs this summer. A portion of the highway was removed and repaved after a sink hole developed and the roadway was damaged. We (Kansas Citians) were actually very lucky that the pavement showed signs of distress before any real damage occurred because they were able to block off that lane so no one was driving on that part of the road when it did collapse slightly a few days later. So back to this morning...there I was sitting on the sink hole repaired road, staring at my clock begging the minutes to stop advancing as my lateness tick-tocked away. I hate being late. That doesn't mean I'm not frequently late, but work is different, especially when at a new job still establishing myself as a trustworthy, dependable employee. The dread of facing my disappointed employer overcame me, my perfectionism and anxiety swirled around me creating the perfect storm producing this crazy thought, "Maybe if the overpass collapsed and I was part of the major accident as my car fell into the traffic below, then I'd have a reason for being late and they probably wouldn't be mad at me." I weighed the pros and cons of a tragic, devastating accident rather than deal with facing the consequences of my lateness. A little excessive I think, but this is a glimpse into my panicked brain. Welcome, it's crazy in here.

Cal

This is Callie (otherwise known as the fell-asleep-at-the-snack-table-niece). Since posting such an embarrassing picture of the little gal I figured she deserved some cute pics as well...awake pictures.She's kind of like a puppy sometimes.

Time is Money

So I knew I'd have to remind myself to keep being "faithful with a little" when looking at my paycheck. I received my first paycheck and felt deflated. My feet, my legs, and my back hurt at the end each shift. I crash on the couch and some nights fall asleep right in front of the TV. I know this isn't a hard job, but I feel like I'm working hard while I'm working (if that makes sense). But at the end of the week when I look at a piece of paper evaluating my effort with a monetary value, the ache in my feet and the number don't seem to match up.

As a result of my hourly wage though I have started viewing all purchases in $8.50 increments. "I want a burrito from Chipotle, but that is equal to 45 minutes of work and if I get a drink, a full hour." It's like each purchase just negates the last 60 minutes I spent working. This system is a miserable way to live as it feels like I'm never making any headway, just financing visits to the grocery store (a half week's wages in case you were wondering). I've got to get out of this mindset...and rework our budget.

I working towards a goal though so I'm trying to stay positive about my current financial state because I know it's temporary. I will continue to be faithful with a little in the hopes that in the future I will be given more responsibility. But it's a hard way to live at $8.50 an hour.

The Non-Post

I haven't updated the past few days....breaking my rule. But I'm just so darn tired at the end of every day. A good tired. A went-to-work-all-day tired. It feels good to have a job even if the blog is suffering.