A Terrible Question

During a job interview last Friday one of the questions was, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Five years would have been hard to answer and he's asking me about 10 years from now! I think my answer was something about doing weddings full time, have a few kids, and hopefully still be married. The still married comment made him laugh and he continued the joke so that was good that something positive came out of my awkward fumbling for an answer to a question I have no idea how to answer.

I haven't been in a place like this since my freshman year of college. It was my sophomore year that I decided I wanted to go on Young Life staff, so the three remaining years of school were spent wondering what area I would work for and who I would marry. These felt like major question marks back then, but I could have answered where I'd like to be in five years at least.

Since being called away from Young Life staff in January I have yet to figure out what I'm called into instead. Yes I'm pursuing event planning and LOVE working for the wedding coordination firm. I could see myself doing that for five years and possibly 10, but I'm not sure. Each wedding I've assisted on has been nothing but awesome and energizing, but I'm not even full time. What if in two years I'm doing it full time and decide maybe it's not for me? I think I'm fine with this possibility. I think I'm fine with these next few years being a question mark and a time of exploration of trying out different jobs. But some days I'm not fine with it. Part of me feels like my time is valuable and I should be using this time to build my resume and collect experiences and education that will qualify me and prepare me for my career. But for what career? Weddings? What if that doesn't work out? I have this fear that I'm going to be 35 when I decide what I really want to do only to find myself under qualified or behind everyone else applying for the same position who has been spending their time racking up the degrees and internships and work experience. Do I really have the freedom to explore and experiment during this season? Wasn't I supposed to be doing that during college?

I see this obligation to ambition come out when I'm coming up with answers to interview questions. I'm not sure future employers want to hear me answer the "what are you doing in 10 years" question with "I'm not sure". I don't think they want to hear that I'm just pursuing a job with them in order to earn an income. They want to hear that I am committing to them. That I'm sold out and passionate about them and being a part of their team. Maybe this comes from my time on Young Life staff where you have to be convinced that you wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Because when it gets hard, it's this conviction that keeps you going. It's not only the feeling that I should be preparing for a future career that's bothering me, it's the lack of call. I'm lacking some purpose and meaning. Maybe my call isn't work related. Maybe I'm just called to be a volunteer Young Life leader and called to be a faithful person and live well. Then work is just work and not my life's purpose.

I don't know how to answer the 10 or the five year question. And as much as I want to be okay with that, I'm freaking out a bit. I'm not much of a free spirit.