The F Word

I've been majorly slacking on the writing. I may write multiple posts today just to gain some ground back. Is that cheating? Worse things have happened.

I was working at the store the other night and a nice gentleman was asking for assistance...so I assisted. He was trying on sweaters and at one point asked, "Does this make me look gay?" I said, "Nooo?" The question mark was probably evident in my voice because the onslaught of my irritation with comments like this was about to overcome me. His response, "I don't want to look like a f*g. Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Just so you know f*g does not stand for fig.)

Was he kidding? Was an adult male in 2010 seriously using this word in the presence of a complete stranger? My response? I think I stayed as neutral as possible and politely went back to organizing a rack of clothes. He had no idea I was offended, went back to his dressing room, and later bought the sweater. No harm no foul...on his end at least.

There were so many things upsetting about this interaction. Allow me to start small. Being married to a man who works in retail and loves clothing, I am perhaps a little more sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding men who appreciate clothing. Having a handful of friends who are gay makes me sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding homosexuality. I just get annoyed by guys who are so uncomfortable shopping for clothes that they think to care about what you look like and to put any effort into your appearance means you're "gay". And then there's that stupid phrase trying to soften the blow, "Not that there's anything wrong with that." So you're just going to use "gay" as a derogatory term and then try to excuse it by saying that you don't have a problem with anyone being gay.

I hate the F word. When Young Life kids use it I jump on them. I can do that with kids. They're younger than me. I'm in a mentor/authority role. There's room to teach inside of moments like those. However in my workplace I felt powerless to say anything. He was a customer and that was not the place to confront such an issue. But inside I was pissed. I told Daniel about it and he was frustrated as well, "If he would have used the N word you could've kicked him out of the store." But we're just not there yet with the F word. The fact that he said such a hateful word with a smile was alarming. 1. God forbid you look like a gay man...oh the horror! and 2. You're going to put down an entire portion of the population and then dismiss your prejudice with "not that there's anything wrong with it." If you really believed that I don't think you'd speak that way or be so terrified of being viewed as gay because of wearing a sweater.

Not everyone has the benefit of having gay friends since we live in a pretty closeted society. Getting to know a few gay men and lesbians helps one to view them as people and not a political or religious "issue". When I saw Brokeback Mountain Daniel and I agreed it should be required viewing material for all Americans as a sort of sensitivity training. I'm sure people could read about my frustration with this man and say, "He doesn't know any better." I just think it's time for him to know better. You never know who you're hurting when you cling the excuse of ignorance. I have a little anxiety about this post as I try to avoid controversy and confrontation. But I think it's a shame that the use of the F word and treating homosexuals with respect, dignity, and common kindness is controversial at all.