Do Not Worry

I've been reading Matthew 6:30-34 lately in light of my not knowing what is next. The Message translation is stated so perfectly for my current situation. There's a line in that version that says, "But you know who God is and about his ways." This is the phrase that has been an anchor for me. I was journaling and listing the things I know about who God is and then in turn about the way he works. One thing I wrote/remembered was that I have been in unknown places like this before in my life (college decision, job decision, who God oh who will I marry?- that one got a lot of attention during my college years). And each time God came through. In time I realized where he was leading and what (and who) he had in store for me. The other thing I remembered is the ways in which he works. His timing is certainly different than mine. I am so impatient, even though looking back I can see how very perfect his timing is in each and every instance. He really does know what he's doing. I ended up at Mizzou, working for Young Life, and yes indeed married to Daniel. Once I discovered each of those things, the decision seemed so obvious, but at the time the future looked so unclear.

I trust him and that this time is no different from the others. I believe that he does have something in store for me. The promise I've clung to these past 7 months is that if he called me away from Young Life staff then he must be calling me to something else. And Jeremiah 29:11 takes the idea of "a plan in store" one step further by including that it is a good plan, full of hope and promise, prosperity and not harm.

But this is the tension I'm living in- knowing and believing that the future awaits, but waiting and wondering what, where, when, and with whom it will be. (That's a lot of w's.) I ready for the next thing, anxious to work hard at a new task, to jump in and immerse myself in the work. Slowly but surely I am dipping my toe in the water and putting myself and my resume out there. As God closes doors and ends leads I can only trust that he's making room for his plan. Rejection hurts and I'm scared. I'm learning to believe in myself even outside of a youth ministry setting. I'm starting to see my skill and worth outside of just working with high schoolers.

Thank you so much to all of you my friends who have texted or emailed or called in the past few weeks. Your encouraging words about my skills pick me up each day when I start to doubt that I can actually work in the creative world. Things aren't as tangible or measurable in creative fields. You're kind of either good or you're not whereas in sales you can go, go, go and see objective results. So thank you for affirming me and helping me to stand confidently as I submit my resume and can say proudly that I would be an asset to someone's team. Oh and every time I hear of someone else getting a job, I start to believe a little bit more that it will happen for me to! I love rejoicing with friends as they discover what is next for them too. I know I am not alone in this and that feels really good.