"Give Me 6 More Months."

So March is coming to a close and I'm reflecting. There have been 89 days in 2010, thus 89 days of this project, but only 88 posts since I forgot to post one day (which is pretty fitting for a blog about imperfection).

I'm surprised at how much I've changed over the past 3 months. My anxiety hasn't decreased, in fact it's actually intensified in the midst of transitioning out of my job. I am still battling it most days, and losing that battle frequently. But I am living in spite of it. And because of the blog project, I think living bolder and more bravely. I'm dreaming again. I'm excited about my life. I not so afraid of trying new things. My sense of humor is growing as I'm able to laugh at myself more than ever before.

Yesterday I worked on my resume. I've never had to compile one before other than for a college English class. I didn't need one as I was hired by Young Life directly out of college. I never thought I'd leave Young Life staff (except for maternity leave and retirement). 3 months ago I never thought I'd be preparing to quit my job, the only job I ever thought I'd have. 3 months ago I never thought I'd be considering new careers, and with each an entirely new identity.

3 months from now (June 30th), I will be preparing for my last trip to Young Life camp as a leader on staff. This week at Crooked Creek in Colorado will be my last hurrah. We return on July 11th and my time on staff will conclude shortly thereafter. What a way to finish spending a week in the mountains with kids doing crazy things and talking about God and life. God is really sweet allowing me to finish my time at every Young-Lifers favorite place: camp, our mecca, heaven on Earth.

Mid January was when I began praying through and processing the prospect of leaving staff. On January 17th during a prayer day I felt like God asked me to give him 6 more months. I'm just about at the halfway point, 3 months down, only 3 more left. Very bittersweet and strange.

When I started this project January 1st I never imagined this turn of events. But God already knew what was coming. I felt him urging me to do this project and I have to believe that he's using it as part of this transition. If I hadn't been blogging and experiencing the freedom this project has brought, I can't imagine what my reaction would have been to feeling called to leave Young Life. I think I would have fought it and tried to stay where it's safe and comfortable. But like I said, I'm brave now. So I'm grateful for these past 3 months. I'm sad when thinking about the next 3. But I'm really, really excited and eager for what comes after July. Who knows where I could be after these next 3 months? I'm learning that I shouldn't pretend to know what's ahead when God and his surprising plans are involved.