Over the Hill

On Thursday I turn 29. Ugh. After age 25 I started grunting over birthdays. Most people think this is ridiculous. Maybe I'm clinging to my 20's for dear life because I spend so much time around people in their 10's (teenagers), so 30 and over seems really old to them. And yes I know I'm not turning 30 yet, but I'm one year closer. Most of my friends are in their 20's. Some of them in fact are quite younger like 23 and 24, but this doesn't seem like much of an age difference. However when they are 25 and I'm 30 that for some reason will seem like a big gap in age. I know this is totally psychological and ridiculous. I've just really enjoyed my 20's and am having a hard time becoming comfortable with this next stage of life. I mean now the kid conversation has to get discussed. I don't say "have to" like kids are a bad thing; age just pushes the topic a little more than having the freedom to casually discuss it in your 20's. I don't have any of that complex of, "This is not where I thought I'd be at 30. I was supposed to have a career and live in this size of house and drive this car and have this many kids." I am optimistic about my future and potential career opportunities. I knew I wanted to go on YL staff as early as age 20 and had a job lined up well before graduating college. Back then I never experienced that "undecided" time that a lot of my peers go through. I'm getting to experience that now as I continue my career transition. So I don't really care that I haven't established myself yet. I did that route for 6 years already and now I'm excited to in a sense reinvent myself or at least experience new and different career opportunities and play with the unknown. Maybe this is the right time for a little self discovery. Now that I'm more mature than I was at 22, maybe I'll approach this experience and time with more bravery, wisdom, and gratitude than I would have at 22.

I don't know. Maybe this fear of 30 comes from my embarrassment over people thinking I'm much younger than my actual age. At the high school people think I'm a student and at work people think I'm in college working my way through school. Imagine my red cheeks when I have to inform them that I'm 28 (soon to be 29) and have already worked one career for the past 6 years. "No, I'm not just starting out. Yes, I am indeed much older than you."

Well here's to 29. I guess I'll try to enjoy it while I can. Hopefully I'll have a change of heart a year from now and go all Oprah: you know celebrate joyfully like she did, "I'm turnin' 50 y'all!"

PS- Please don't tell me how ridiculous I am and how 29 isn't really that old and I should just wait till I turn 40 or 50. I know I am a head case.