Today is Daniel’s birthday party and sure enough I’ve got a case of PPA. But I think I’m justified in my anxiety seeing as how I’ve suffered a childhood trauma that only validates this fear.
The date was September 1989. Our family had just moved from Iowa to Kansas City that summer so I was “the new kid”. School had only been in session for a few weeks, which wasn’t a ton of time to make new friends. I was turning 8 and wanted a birthday party. I was bolder back then. The trauma that ensued may be the reason I am less so now. I passed out invitations to some of the young ladies in my class and eagerly awaited the fated day. I must mention the invites came sans RSVP (a mistake I would later come to regret). The afternoon of the party arrived and our doorbell never rang. Well that’s not exactly true…it rang once. One hour after the start time my fellow second grader Dulaney arrived as my solitary guest. She gave me a deluxe Crayola crayon set in a hard plastic carrying case with built in sharpener. A fine gift. An even finer guest. (I still know Dulaney and around my 28th birthday this past fall I thanked her via facebook for coming to my party that day. I just realized 20 years have passed…my goodness.) I don’t remember if we played or ate or stared at each other. Clearly I have repressed these memories as a coping mechanism.
These days when I express my PPA to others and they try to reassure me, I always remind them that my worst fear actually can and has come true. Hopefully this embarrassing story of mine has awoken you to the reality of party failure. Please respect other’s PPA related fear. But even more so be grateful for all the guests you’ve entertained over the years. Be grateful for the Dulaneys…I know I am.
PS- Even if no one does show up today, at least the invites look good.
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