Day 1: Perfectionism

In Webster’s perfectionism is defined as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable”. It’s actually more of a psychological term as perfectionist thinking is at the root of much mental and emotional dysfunction. One of my pet peeves is when people list perfectionism as one of their weaknesses in a job interview. When someone tells an interviewer, “I’m a total perfectionist” what they’re actually doing is spinning their ‘weakness’ to highlight their work ethic.
This cute quirk is not what I’m talking about.

I’m describing the belief that I can and should be perfect and therefore whenever my performance falls short of that impossible standard I feel defeated and depressed. A lot of real perfectionists actually are not anal, organized high performers, but like myself live chaotic, messy lives of procrastination. I avoid, avoid, avoid as the fear of failure and inadequacy cripples me with anxiety.

I struggle to get out of bed on a daily basis. When I was thinking of titles for this blog one of my initial thoughts was “The get out of bed everyday project”…catchy. But that really is the simple purpose of this blog. The daily goal forces me to post something everyday regardless of preparation or polish. The public forum of a blog is essential in two ways: accountability to post daily and exposing myself to others as less than perfect.

I’m excited and sick to my stomach at the same time. Every perfectionist nerve in my body is screaming, “Don’t do it! This is gonna be crap! There are so many other people out there who are smarter, wittier, and more talented. You can’t just put yourself out there in all your mediocrity.” I’m allowing myself to create and try new things. I’m giving myself permission for the first time in maybe my whole life to live imperfectly. With some bravery, honesty, humor, friendly support, and of course a little medication, I am hopeful that this blog can be a very powerful and freeing experience. So away we go…

PS- You have no idea how many times I edited my profile description trying to get it just right. Ugh. It is day one after all.