Is It Bad?

Is it bad that I go to movies by myself?

(I'm not really asking because frankly I don't care.) I go to the theater by myself a lot and today I went to see Letters to Juliet. I know a lot of girls drag their guys to chick flicks and the guys allow themselves to be drug/dragged because they feel it is their duty to "take one for the team" in order to prove their love and devotion even in the face of the romantic comedy. I don't think Daniel loves me any less because he doesn't attend these cheese-fests with me. And truth be told I think if I asked, he would probably go with me. I just think it's a win win for both of us and could be for other relationships too if girls let go of their stigma of going to the movies by themselves. I love seeing movies and shouldn't be limited to seeing only movies that the two of us can agree on. Daniel has full permission to see any movie he like while enjoying the company of a male friend or Young Life guy. And on top of that, we see a lot of movies together. Everyone's happy: I get to see my chick flick and Daniel doesn't have to spend the ride home feeling the need to explain the implausibility of the story and lack of genuine chemistry between the characters to me. (I already know it's implausible, sometimes generic, and sometimes just kind of a bad movie. Sue me if I happen to like less than high brow entertainment...like Twilight par exemple.) I love my husband and I love the freedom he gives me to indulge my inner romantic.

The first time I went "table for one" style to the movies was during college when A Knight's Tale with Heath Ledger came out. Heath was the Robert Pattinson of my early 20's, so when I couldn't find anyone to go to the movie with me I mustered up the courage to go alone. I would not be denied Heath. My VHS copy of The Patriot was getting worn out after watching his heart-breaking death sequence over and over, and I was eager to see him perform some new material in a different role. Venturing to the theater alone that first time was an insecurity ridden trip. From the walk from the parking lot, to purchasing my ticket for one, to getting that solitary ticket torn by the vest wearing theater employee, to finding my seat in the semi-crowded theater, I felt eyes on me the entire time. I self-consciously assumed the that I was sticking out amidst the sea of happy groups. After the movie was over and Heath completed his fine performance I made my way back to my car feeling just as insecure as I did 120 minutes earlier.

I think my adoration of the late, but great, Mr. Ledger is what helped me to overcome this insecurity though because a few days later I made my second solo trip to the theater. I went under the guise of seeing some racing movie with Paul Walker and Sylvester Stallone, but after 10 minutes I realized it was crap and snuck into the theater next door to view a different crappy movie: A Knight's Tale...again. Who was I kidding? My 20 year-old self probably knew what she was up to the entire time.

The solo movie viewing experience continued over my college years and I found it liberating. No longer was I limited by the availability or tastes of my roommates or friends. I could see what I wanted, when I wanted. I was home visiting my parents one weekend during college and my dad was offering suggestions of movies to rent. When he realized that I had already seen everything he asked how I found the time to see so many movies. I told him about going alone and he grew very concerned.

"That's weird."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just is. People don't go to the movies by themselves. Don't you have any friends?"

The phrase about not having any friends I think sums up my insecurities about going alone. When I see people dining alone or going to the movies alone I tend to assume they are not alone by choice, that if they had it their way they would be joined by a loved one. Since these are two activities normally enjoyed by couples or groups of friends, it does appear odd when someone is operating outside of the social norm. I can understand my dad's initial reaction. When I told him that I quite liked flying solo and explained my feelings of liberation, he inquired about my bravery. Didn't I feel strange or looked at? Didn't I care what my fellow movie goers thought of me? At first I did, but the benefits far outweigh any hesitation I may have had at first.

On my way to the movie tonight I thought about my first solo trips and what I felt. Some of those feelings still remain. I do still feel like everyone notices me when I walk in by myself, when I buy a ticket for one and don't stop to wait for someone else who might be meeting me at the theater, but instead head into my assigned theater and take my seat. So the insecurity hasn't left me completely, only now when I imagine them staring at me I feel a surge of confidence. Instead of assuming their thoughts are filled with pity about my lack of a friend or companion, I hear their admiration of my confidence and self-assurance to be able to go it alone wishing they too were brave enough to do the same (and then realizing that they too could see the Twilight movies more than three times each if they weren't reliant upon the schedules and tolerance of friends or spouses). So is it bad that I go to the movies alone? I don't think so, but there may be judgmental folks out there who view me as a lonely spinster taking a vacation from her cats while on a visit to the cinema. Ticket for one please.