These People Make Me Want to Have Kids

One of my favorite shows this season is Bravo's 9 by Design with design duo the Novogratz and their 7, count em 7, kids. Their work is impressive as is the sheer number of younglings they have. They live in the gorgeous homes they build and their kids wrestle, play, and make a complete mess amidst their expensive art collection and designer furniture. I love how they don't sacrifice good design for fear of not being kid-friendly. They also don't sacrifice giving their kids freedom to be kids for fear that their beautiful belongings might get dirty or broken by all the roughhousing. They're hilarious and fun and true New Yorkers embracing diversity and exposing their kids to culture in every experience. A recent episode showed the baptism of their newest addition, baby Major, and it was an incredibly beautiful scene. A priest conducted the service outside on the patio at their home while surrounded by a hundred of their friends. Baby Major was passed around the guests who blessed him as he was handed from person to person. As I sat there watching I kept thinking, "This is what I want my community to look like." I don't want to have 7 kids, but these people make me want to have kids.




Last night we spent the evening with our friends Matt and Emily. We went over to visit their new baby girl and ending up staying for 5 hours, 4 of which I spent holding the new peanut or "chick chick" as she is lovingly called. Their two boys put on Tae Kwon Do demonstrations while wearing batman pj's with velcro detachable capes. When it was time for the frozen yogurt run, they changed into new outfits picked out all by themselves (though I was invited into the bedroom to consult as to which shirt I thought was best). The oldest came out wearing stripes, camo, and of course rain boots. We laughed a lot. Matt and Em get a real kick out of their boys' jokes and off hand comments. They genuinely like their kids. We talked about how their personalities are developing and what we think they'll be like when they grow up. Aside from loving their kids and loving the way they love their kids, I am struck by how they've maintained pursuing their dreams in the midst of parenting now 3 kids. Their lives and aspirations did not stop when they began having kids, nor did their relationships. They call the sitter and spend nights maintaining friendships and pursuing new ones. And their friends are also invited into their home life as well interacting with the kids. This is a delicate balance and they do it well. They love their kids, love each other, and love others; these people make me want to have kids.




Daniel and I have agreed that if we were to kidnap anybody's kids and flee the state, it would be Brad and Sam's girls. I don't just think their oldest is cute or funny, I don't just want to have a daughter exactly like her, I want to be her. From her perfect naturally wavy blonde locks, to her love for dogs (despite being bitten twice), to her brave spirit, she lives life the way I want to live it. Is it possible to look up to someone who is in elementary school? If so, I do. Brad and Sam are one of Daniel and I's very favorite couples. They are funny and kind and oh so very deep. Anytime we hang out I feel like we end up in very serious conversations, soul-bearing conversations. They have a hospitality anointing that puts you at ease to lay down your burdens. I have vented about some of life's heaviest stuff with these two. They are safe. I can't think of better characteristics to have as parents. They are incredible parents. I mean it. The last time Daniel and I hung out with them we left saying we've never seen it done better. It was extraordinary. They live on a college campus because of Sam's job and as a result their girls are surrounded by adoring students. I remember missing the sight of little kids during college because the population on campus consists of only 19-22 year-olds. The students pour over these two offering seats during dinner in the cafeteria and walks around the scenic campus. With all this attention from college kids, the girls don't act up at home. They are very mature for their ages, though still maintain the whimsy and imaginations of kids. Brad and Sam were the first people to articulate a truth that Daniel and I needed to hear before desiring kids of our own (eventually, at some point, read: not immediately). They talked about the possibility of moving to another country while their girls were still young and in school. This sounded backwards to me at first because I've always heard people talk about their dreams on the timeline of "once the kids are out of the house" or "once we're retired". Instead of waiting till their prime parenting years are finished Sam said, "We always pictured our kids as being part of the adventure." Woah. This was huge for me because I've always viewed kids as limiting my own adventure, getting in the way, an obstacle. This family understands that their experience of the world is actually enhanced by their relationships with each other. They view their family life as an adventure it and of itself and will continue to live adventurously in the world together; these people make me want to have kids.




I'm kind of a head case when it comes to thoughts of having kids and parenting, though I'm discovering more and more friends who also don't feel natural in this arena. That is not to say we hate kids and won't all be great parents, we just require a little more thinking and processing before jumping into parenthood. But these three families have provided good models for me and they share some common elements for making it work. They all have dreams, desires, and aspirations outside of just parenthood, but their kids are a part of their journeys and adventures. Their lives don't revolve around just their kids, but their lives are certainly enhanced and made sweeter (and more humorous) by the inclusion of their children; they enjoy all of life more because of their kids not in spite of them. They still know how to have fun and maintain healthy relationships and friendships while balancing parental responsibility. And they really, really like and enjoy their kids. So someday, at some point, these people make me want to have kids.