At Monday night girls night I was wearing my glitter flats and was surprised when someone asked, "Are those the infamous glitter flats you blogged about?" After a self-indulgent venting session about the woes of the quote unquote f*@#$&% glitter flats, I realized two girls were reading the blog that I was unaware of. Validation through cyberspace never gets old. So after a text from Christy, a facebook message from Bonnie, and a comment from Kaitlin about her Google reader being a little empty, I'm mustering the strength to post again after my recent bout of laziness.
"So what's the happs?" you ask. Oh... just not landing a job. A month ago I interviewed for a job at an elementary school (thanks to the help of a wonderful YL parent). After reading the title of this post, you obviously know I didn't get the job. The mature part of me wants to trust that God has something else in store for me while the part of me bent on low self-esteem wonders what I said or didn't say in my interview enabling me to land the job. What's wrong with me that they don't deem me capable of supervising the cafeteria and playground? Am I not worthy to referee games of kickball or mediate food fights? Of course I know this isn't true; I'm just being honest about the thoughts of self-doubt that come with rejection. I sat in another interview a few weeks later for a secretarial position that carried much more responsibility with it than the elementary school position did. And I felt great. I went in there and did my best. I felt confident and proud of myself. No lasting trace of rejection from the week before.
However despite my renewed self confidence, the job search continues. I'm more confused than anything as to what my path is. I have two wonderful jobs already. I just need 40 hours of work each week. My boss at the wedding firm is really, really great and I am so excited for the time when I can work there full time. But I'm not there yet and I'm not sure what to do to earn a living in the meantime. That being said we have been extremely blessed by family and friends and Jesus during this time of reduced income. We aren't going hungry. In fact last night we enjoyed a home cooked dinner prepared by a YL parent. Enchiladas...our favorite dish she makes! A generous gesture that meant a lot to both of us. We may be a little stressed, but more annoyed by the fact that I can't buy as many clothes as I'd like. I also know that this can't keep up forever though and I'd like to contribute to my family (and society). In the meantime life is still good.
Wednesday, November 24
Saturday, November 6
Loving Like You Have Cancer
Whenever someone begins following my blog I look at what other blogs they read since we probably have similar taste. Thus I stumbled across an incredible story of a new mom diagnosed with cancer. (Thanks Randi.) I think the word "cancer" jumps off the page whenever I see it now since last October, so when I saw the title of the blog "Don't Waste Your Cancer" I clicked on the link immediately. After reading the introduction I went back to the first entry in order to read the story from its start.
Libby Ryder's story hits a little too close to home. She's in her mid 20's and she and her husband are "Young Life people". He's a area director in Virginia. They have a little daughter who is only a few months old. In July Libby was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Cancer always seems like a tragedy. No one ever deserves it, but it seems more cruel in certain stories like a brain tumor in a three year old or lymphoma in a 26 year old new mom. Libby's story is a compelling read and she never comes across as a victim despite the cruelty of her situation. I love reading because home-girl is honest, like really honest. Her faith is evident in each entry and it's authentic. None of the sugar-coated, cliche things people say to you when they're on the outside of cancer trying to make you feel better. She's honest that cancer sucks, but that God is still good. She's honest about her belief that God is in control even when we can't understand his ways and at the same time that cancer is painful and she gets lonely and sad sometimes. And that's okay.
There's a million reasons why I admire her and respect her, but the thing that is challenging and encouraging me is her relationship with her husband. Man they really love each other. And not love like just feeling affection for each other, but the important love. The doing love. Love as an action. I'm learning in my life that I can feel love for Daniel and that's great, but if that feeling never manifests itself in my behavior it doesn't really mean much. If I'm not treating him like he's important to me, making sacrifices where I need to, or growing as a teammate. Daniel is an awesome partner, but I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't been the most loving teammate I can be.
Libby and her husband love well. In the midst of cancer she continues to make him a priority never expecting him to be at her beck and call. Though when he does come home from work early and care for her in different ways, she accepts it gracefully and gratefully. And he writes her letters on her blog. He speaks of being humbled by her strength. And she's the first to say that they're not perfect. Her honesty about that is perhaps the most encouraging because it means you can fight with each other or not get along at all times, and STILL love each other well.
When I was reading months worth of entries in a single sitting I found myself so inspired that part of me was foolishly wishing for cancer. I envied their perspective and passion gained from this earth shattering event. But my family has been there before and then I remembered how I never want to go through that initial shock again. Then I felt guilty for forgetting how grateful I should be and how I've begun to take things for granted again and become consumed by pettiness. It shouldn't take something like cancer to make me grateful for my life, family, and my husband. I shouldn't have to get sick to realize how wonderful Daniel is and to start living in that reality. I want to stop taking him and his love for granted. Even though the stakes aren't as high as they would be in the face of cancer, I want to live like they are. I want to love like I have cancer. I want to love like Libby does.
You can follow her inspiring journey here.
Libby Ryder's story hits a little too close to home. She's in her mid 20's and she and her husband are "Young Life people". He's a area director in Virginia. They have a little daughter who is only a few months old. In July Libby was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Cancer always seems like a tragedy. No one ever deserves it, but it seems more cruel in certain stories like a brain tumor in a three year old or lymphoma in a 26 year old new mom. Libby's story is a compelling read and she never comes across as a victim despite the cruelty of her situation. I love reading because home-girl is honest, like really honest. Her faith is evident in each entry and it's authentic. None of the sugar-coated, cliche things people say to you when they're on the outside of cancer trying to make you feel better. She's honest that cancer sucks, but that God is still good. She's honest about her belief that God is in control even when we can't understand his ways and at the same time that cancer is painful and she gets lonely and sad sometimes. And that's okay.
There's a million reasons why I admire her and respect her, but the thing that is challenging and encouraging me is her relationship with her husband. Man they really love each other. And not love like just feeling affection for each other, but the important love. The doing love. Love as an action. I'm learning in my life that I can feel love for Daniel and that's great, but if that feeling never manifests itself in my behavior it doesn't really mean much. If I'm not treating him like he's important to me, making sacrifices where I need to, or growing as a teammate. Daniel is an awesome partner, but I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't been the most loving teammate I can be.
Libby and her husband love well. In the midst of cancer she continues to make him a priority never expecting him to be at her beck and call. Though when he does come home from work early and care for her in different ways, she accepts it gracefully and gratefully. And he writes her letters on her blog. He speaks of being humbled by her strength. And she's the first to say that they're not perfect. Her honesty about that is perhaps the most encouraging because it means you can fight with each other or not get along at all times, and STILL love each other well.
When I was reading months worth of entries in a single sitting I found myself so inspired that part of me was foolishly wishing for cancer. I envied their perspective and passion gained from this earth shattering event. But my family has been there before and then I remembered how I never want to go through that initial shock again. Then I felt guilty for forgetting how grateful I should be and how I've begun to take things for granted again and become consumed by pettiness. It shouldn't take something like cancer to make me grateful for my life, family, and my husband. I shouldn't have to get sick to realize how wonderful Daniel is and to start living in that reality. I want to stop taking him and his love for granted. Even though the stakes aren't as high as they would be in the face of cancer, I want to live like they are. I want to love like I have cancer. I want to love like Libby does.
You can follow her inspiring journey here.
Oops
Penny sure is cute when she gets her haircut. However her groomer struggles a little. In order to save money on her frequent haircuts, her groomer is her dog-mom (i.e. me). This may have been the roughest cut I've ever given her. Item to add to the failure list: dog grooming. Please check out the pics below to observe one of her bald spots where I cut a little too close. She has about five of these bald spots total. Oops.
A Terrible Question
During a job interview last Friday one of the questions was, "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" Five years would have been hard to answer and he's asking me about 10 years from now! I think my answer was something about doing weddings full time, have a few kids, and hopefully still be married. The still married comment made him laugh and he continued the joke so that was good that something positive came out of my awkward fumbling for an answer to a question I have no idea how to answer.
I haven't been in a place like this since my freshman year of college. It was my sophomore year that I decided I wanted to go on Young Life staff, so the three remaining years of school were spent wondering what area I would work for and who I would marry. These felt like major question marks back then, but I could have answered where I'd like to be in five years at least.
Since being called away from Young Life staff in January I have yet to figure out what I'm called into instead. Yes I'm pursuing event planning and LOVE working for the wedding coordination firm. I could see myself doing that for five years and possibly 10, but I'm not sure. Each wedding I've assisted on has been nothing but awesome and energizing, but I'm not even full time. What if in two years I'm doing it full time and decide maybe it's not for me? I think I'm fine with this possibility. I think I'm fine with these next few years being a question mark and a time of exploration of trying out different jobs. But some days I'm not fine with it. Part of me feels like my time is valuable and I should be using this time to build my resume and collect experiences and education that will qualify me and prepare me for my career. But for what career? Weddings? What if that doesn't work out? I have this fear that I'm going to be 35 when I decide what I really want to do only to find myself under qualified or behind everyone else applying for the same position who has been spending their time racking up the degrees and internships and work experience. Do I really have the freedom to explore and experiment during this season? Wasn't I supposed to be doing that during college?
I see this obligation to ambition come out when I'm coming up with answers to interview questions. I'm not sure future employers want to hear me answer the "what are you doing in 10 years" question with "I'm not sure". I don't think they want to hear that I'm just pursuing a job with them in order to earn an income. They want to hear that I am committing to them. That I'm sold out and passionate about them and being a part of their team. Maybe this comes from my time on Young Life staff where you have to be convinced that you wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Because when it gets hard, it's this conviction that keeps you going. It's not only the feeling that I should be preparing for a future career that's bothering me, it's the lack of call. I'm lacking some purpose and meaning. Maybe my call isn't work related. Maybe I'm just called to be a volunteer Young Life leader and called to be a faithful person and live well. Then work is just work and not my life's purpose.
I don't know how to answer the 10 or the five year question. And as much as I want to be okay with that, I'm freaking out a bit. I'm not much of a free spirit.
I haven't been in a place like this since my freshman year of college. It was my sophomore year that I decided I wanted to go on Young Life staff, so the three remaining years of school were spent wondering what area I would work for and who I would marry. These felt like major question marks back then, but I could have answered where I'd like to be in five years at least.
Since being called away from Young Life staff in January I have yet to figure out what I'm called into instead. Yes I'm pursuing event planning and LOVE working for the wedding coordination firm. I could see myself doing that for five years and possibly 10, but I'm not sure. Each wedding I've assisted on has been nothing but awesome and energizing, but I'm not even full time. What if in two years I'm doing it full time and decide maybe it's not for me? I think I'm fine with this possibility. I think I'm fine with these next few years being a question mark and a time of exploration of trying out different jobs. But some days I'm not fine with it. Part of me feels like my time is valuable and I should be using this time to build my resume and collect experiences and education that will qualify me and prepare me for my career. But for what career? Weddings? What if that doesn't work out? I have this fear that I'm going to be 35 when I decide what I really want to do only to find myself under qualified or behind everyone else applying for the same position who has been spending their time racking up the degrees and internships and work experience. Do I really have the freedom to explore and experiment during this season? Wasn't I supposed to be doing that during college?
I see this obligation to ambition come out when I'm coming up with answers to interview questions. I'm not sure future employers want to hear me answer the "what are you doing in 10 years" question with "I'm not sure". I don't think they want to hear that I'm just pursuing a job with them in order to earn an income. They want to hear that I am committing to them. That I'm sold out and passionate about them and being a part of their team. Maybe this comes from my time on Young Life staff where you have to be convinced that you wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Because when it gets hard, it's this conviction that keeps you going. It's not only the feeling that I should be preparing for a future career that's bothering me, it's the lack of call. I'm lacking some purpose and meaning. Maybe my call isn't work related. Maybe I'm just called to be a volunteer Young Life leader and called to be a faithful person and live well. Then work is just work and not my life's purpose.
I don't know how to answer the 10 or the five year question. And as much as I want to be okay with that, I'm freaking out a bit. I'm not much of a free spirit.
The F Word
I've been majorly slacking on the writing. I may write multiple posts today just to gain some ground back. Is that cheating? Worse things have happened.
I was working at the store the other night and a nice gentleman was asking for assistance...so I assisted. He was trying on sweaters and at one point asked, "Does this make me look gay?" I said, "Nooo?" The question mark was probably evident in my voice because the onslaught of my irritation with comments like this was about to overcome me. His response, "I don't want to look like a f*g. Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Just so you know f*g does not stand for fig.)
Was he kidding? Was an adult male in 2010 seriously using this word in the presence of a complete stranger? My response? I think I stayed as neutral as possible and politely went back to organizing a rack of clothes. He had no idea I was offended, went back to his dressing room, and later bought the sweater. No harm no foul...on his end at least.
There were so many things upsetting about this interaction. Allow me to start small. Being married to a man who works in retail and loves clothing, I am perhaps a little more sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding men who appreciate clothing. Having a handful of friends who are gay makes me sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding homosexuality. I just get annoyed by guys who are so uncomfortable shopping for clothes that they think to care about what you look like and to put any effort into your appearance means you're "gay". And then there's that stupid phrase trying to soften the blow, "Not that there's anything wrong with that." So you're just going to use "gay" as a derogatory term and then try to excuse it by saying that you don't have a problem with anyone being gay.
I hate the F word. When Young Life kids use it I jump on them. I can do that with kids. They're younger than me. I'm in a mentor/authority role. There's room to teach inside of moments like those. However in my workplace I felt powerless to say anything. He was a customer and that was not the place to confront such an issue. But inside I was pissed. I told Daniel about it and he was frustrated as well, "If he would have used the N word you could've kicked him out of the store." But we're just not there yet with the F word. The fact that he said such a hateful word with a smile was alarming. 1. God forbid you look like a gay man...oh the horror! and 2. You're going to put down an entire portion of the population and then dismiss your prejudice with "not that there's anything wrong with it." If you really believed that I don't think you'd speak that way or be so terrified of being viewed as gay because of wearing a sweater.
Not everyone has the benefit of having gay friends since we live in a pretty closeted society. Getting to know a few gay men and lesbians helps one to view them as people and not a political or religious "issue". When I saw Brokeback Mountain Daniel and I agreed it should be required viewing material for all Americans as a sort of sensitivity training. I'm sure people could read about my frustration with this man and say, "He doesn't know any better." I just think it's time for him to know better. You never know who you're hurting when you cling the excuse of ignorance. I have a little anxiety about this post as I try to avoid controversy and confrontation. But I think it's a shame that the use of the F word and treating homosexuals with respect, dignity, and common kindness is controversial at all.
I was working at the store the other night and a nice gentleman was asking for assistance...so I assisted. He was trying on sweaters and at one point asked, "Does this make me look gay?" I said, "Nooo?" The question mark was probably evident in my voice because the onslaught of my irritation with comments like this was about to overcome me. His response, "I don't want to look like a f*g. Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Just so you know f*g does not stand for fig.)
Was he kidding? Was an adult male in 2010 seriously using this word in the presence of a complete stranger? My response? I think I stayed as neutral as possible and politely went back to organizing a rack of clothes. He had no idea I was offended, went back to his dressing room, and later bought the sweater. No harm no foul...on his end at least.
There were so many things upsetting about this interaction. Allow me to start small. Being married to a man who works in retail and loves clothing, I am perhaps a little more sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding men who appreciate clothing. Having a handful of friends who are gay makes me sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding homosexuality. I just get annoyed by guys who are so uncomfortable shopping for clothes that they think to care about what you look like and to put any effort into your appearance means you're "gay". And then there's that stupid phrase trying to soften the blow, "Not that there's anything wrong with that." So you're just going to use "gay" as a derogatory term and then try to excuse it by saying that you don't have a problem with anyone being gay.
I hate the F word. When Young Life kids use it I jump on them. I can do that with kids. They're younger than me. I'm in a mentor/authority role. There's room to teach inside of moments like those. However in my workplace I felt powerless to say anything. He was a customer and that was not the place to confront such an issue. But inside I was pissed. I told Daniel about it and he was frustrated as well, "If he would have used the N word you could've kicked him out of the store." But we're just not there yet with the F word. The fact that he said such a hateful word with a smile was alarming. 1. God forbid you look like a gay man...oh the horror! and 2. You're going to put down an entire portion of the population and then dismiss your prejudice with "not that there's anything wrong with it." If you really believed that I don't think you'd speak that way or be so terrified of being viewed as gay because of wearing a sweater.
Not everyone has the benefit of having gay friends since we live in a pretty closeted society. Getting to know a few gay men and lesbians helps one to view them as people and not a political or religious "issue". When I saw Brokeback Mountain Daniel and I agreed it should be required viewing material for all Americans as a sort of sensitivity training. I'm sure people could read about my frustration with this man and say, "He doesn't know any better." I just think it's time for him to know better. You never know who you're hurting when you cling the excuse of ignorance. I have a little anxiety about this post as I try to avoid controversy and confrontation. But I think it's a shame that the use of the F word and treating homosexuals with respect, dignity, and common kindness is controversial at all.
Sunday, October 31
Happy Halloween
Happy Halloween :) The shopping center I work at hosts trick or treating each year so I eagerly asked who at our store would be handing out the candy. Noticing my enthusiasm my manager gave me the job. It was awesome. For 2 hours of my work day all I had to do was stand at the front door and give candy to cute little costumed kids. Really feeling the spirit, I headed home after work and prepared to greet trick or treaters at our house...but not before humiliating my dog-children. That's Penny as a chicken and Tobes as a dinosaur (or dragon- it's kind of ambiguous).
By the way I think it's funny how you can tell I don't have a full time job by the way we celebrated our Halloween. Notice the size of our pumpkins? We get two each year (one for each of the dog-children). This year's are "pie" pumpkins from the produce department which means they are priced at only 2 for $5 as opposed to the larger carving pumpkins at 3 for $10. Penny's costume was one we picked up from Target last year during their post-Halloween clearance. Toby's was the costume we bought for him his first Halloween with us (before Penny joined our family that November). I wore my skeleton costume from last year since we were partying with people we didn't see last year when I first wore it. Recession living works great for us! We already have plenty of stuff we didn't need in the first place like a closest full of dog clothes. Seriously we had multiple costumes to choose from. These just happened to be two of the favorites.
Happy Halloween from our little family to yours. Next up: Thanksgiving!!!
Thursday, October 28
Hyper Focused
Hello there. I took an unintentional 2 week hiatus from the blog, but am happy to be back. The reason for my absence? Hyper focus. "What is hyper focus?" you may ask. I may not be giving the completely accurate medical description of it, but here is what my experience has been whether or not I am using the term correctly.
A bi-product of my anxiety at times is obsessive fixation. The fixation for me is usually on an upcoming event or appointment, or on an item I would like to purchase. Hang with me. When the fixation is on an event, it's like I can't think about anything until the event has taken place. Mentally I feel like I can't move on with my life until that particular date has passed. All of my focus, energy, planning, preparation, and thoughts are spent on this one moment in time. For example if I am throwing a party, all of my free time is spent pondering all the aspects of what needs to get done. This sounds like it would make me really effective, like I am able to devote myself completely to tasks. Wrong. Even when I need to give my attention to other things or when I am relaxing or having a conversation with someone, all my mind is doing is thinking about the event. It is the complete inability to multi-task and a picture of an "all or nothing" disposition.
Allow me to explain the fixation on a future purchase since I know this may sound strange. I didn't realize I was doing this or that it was abnormal until a few years ago when Daniel politely asked me to stop talking about something I wanted. I'm not sure why I do this, but it may be a coping mechanism I've picked up to distract me from something that is making me anxious. I think I may get obsessive about things in order to avoid dealing with feelings of anxiety. For example I will see a furniture item or piece of clothing that I like and suddenly my attention is devoted to that item. I will spend time looking at it online, visiting it at the mall, and scheming of things I can sell in order to pay for the item. Crazy I know.
Well a lot of this hyper focus has been occurring over these last two weeks leaving me without much mental energy to write or blog. I should have been blogging because the exercise would have taught me some balance. Let me give you a picture of how this fixation can play out and give you some insight into the obsessive mind of a crazy person. I mentioned before that with wedding season coming to a close I am in need of a third job. Last week I was offered the opportunity to interview for a full time position at one of my current jobs. After laying awake that night unable to sleep and talking with Daniel, I realized that the job wouldn't be a good fit for me and just the thought of it was already causing me stress. The next day I turned down the interview and pulled myself out of the process. I found an opportunity with the school district working at an elementary school and applied for the job on Monday. With the anxiety brewing over turning down one opportunity and pursuing another, I was ripe for a potential fixation. Enter glitter flats. I found a pair of adorable gold glittery shoes. However they are at a store exempt from Daniel and I's collective retail discount (it's really hard to pay full price once you've been spoiled by discounts and when you're not making much money) and I already spent my clothing allowance for October (and am saving November's for a trip to Chicago). I visited the shoes one afternoon just to "check on them". I devised a financial plan of using some of our anniversary money to pay for them. They remained out of my grasp.
So on Monday after dropping off my application for the elementary school job, I went to DSW to see if they offered a more affordable alternative to the perfect shoes. They did in fact have a perfect substitute. They retailed for only $39.99 and were an additional 30% off making them in the neighborhood of $28. They didn't have my size so I had the store call their other locations to see if they had them in my size. They had them in Overland Park so I headed 25 minutes West to pick them up. When I got there I opened the shoebox with my little hold tag on them to much dismay. They were the wrong shoes. The store didn't even have the glitter flat. Slightly annoyed but still hopeful, I continued my search. I headed to their third location another 15 minutes away only to find an even more dismal selection. I stopped by Oak Park Mall for a hail mary attempt at locating the discounted shoes before making my long trek home. A few hours and a tour of Johnson County later, I made it home.
The next day I called DSW's Zona Rosa location. The woman on the other end of the phone said she had the shoes and in my size ready to hold them for me. I double checked and asked, "There the one's with glitter all over the entire shoe?" She confirmed and with Daniel in tow we drove 40 minutes North (through construction traffic) to pick up the shoes. I should have known. Not the right shoe, not even close to the right style, not the same brand. I mumbled and grumbled my way through the aisles of shoes venting to Daniel about the lady's complete incompetence. This is not like me, but these were glitter flats dammit! She apologized and stated how she should have checked the style name. Well duh! What did she think when I requested a particular style name? That any pewter colored flat would be fine?
I ordered them online today. I didn't get the extra 30% off, but I did get free shipping. If I had fought for the discount I would have had to pay shipping since they were under $35. I'll be glad when the whole glitter flat fiasco is over. But as a result of all this drama, I haven't thought about my interview on Friday morning for the new job and how nervous I am. Distraction accomplished? Did I really just create a week-long scenario to consume my mind in order to spare myself from dealing with the anxious feelings I'm having about something that really does matter? I think so.
One of the main reasons I'm most excited about getting a full time job is to keep myself busy and focused on things that matter. Now that I'm working again I find myself SIGNIFICANTLY less anxious because I am too busy and tired at the end of the day to worry about insignificant things. I'll be glad for the day when I don't have time to run around town in pursuit of $28 sparkly flats. This is called "getting a life."
I feel super lame after this entry, but it helped me feel better by venting. Besides if I let stupid entries keep me from posting, I'd be on another two week hiatus.
A bi-product of my anxiety at times is obsessive fixation. The fixation for me is usually on an upcoming event or appointment, or on an item I would like to purchase. Hang with me. When the fixation is on an event, it's like I can't think about anything until the event has taken place. Mentally I feel like I can't move on with my life until that particular date has passed. All of my focus, energy, planning, preparation, and thoughts are spent on this one moment in time. For example if I am throwing a party, all of my free time is spent pondering all the aspects of what needs to get done. This sounds like it would make me really effective, like I am able to devote myself completely to tasks. Wrong. Even when I need to give my attention to other things or when I am relaxing or having a conversation with someone, all my mind is doing is thinking about the event. It is the complete inability to multi-task and a picture of an "all or nothing" disposition.
Allow me to explain the fixation on a future purchase since I know this may sound strange. I didn't realize I was doing this or that it was abnormal until a few years ago when Daniel politely asked me to stop talking about something I wanted. I'm not sure why I do this, but it may be a coping mechanism I've picked up to distract me from something that is making me anxious. I think I may get obsessive about things in order to avoid dealing with feelings of anxiety. For example I will see a furniture item or piece of clothing that I like and suddenly my attention is devoted to that item. I will spend time looking at it online, visiting it at the mall, and scheming of things I can sell in order to pay for the item. Crazy I know.
Well a lot of this hyper focus has been occurring over these last two weeks leaving me without much mental energy to write or blog. I should have been blogging because the exercise would have taught me some balance. Let me give you a picture of how this fixation can play out and give you some insight into the obsessive mind of a crazy person. I mentioned before that with wedding season coming to a close I am in need of a third job. Last week I was offered the opportunity to interview for a full time position at one of my current jobs. After laying awake that night unable to sleep and talking with Daniel, I realized that the job wouldn't be a good fit for me and just the thought of it was already causing me stress. The next day I turned down the interview and pulled myself out of the process. I found an opportunity with the school district working at an elementary school and applied for the job on Monday. With the anxiety brewing over turning down one opportunity and pursuing another, I was ripe for a potential fixation. Enter glitter flats. I found a pair of adorable gold glittery shoes. However they are at a store exempt from Daniel and I's collective retail discount (it's really hard to pay full price once you've been spoiled by discounts and when you're not making much money) and I already spent my clothing allowance for October (and am saving November's for a trip to Chicago). I visited the shoes one afternoon just to "check on them". I devised a financial plan of using some of our anniversary money to pay for them. They remained out of my grasp.
So on Monday after dropping off my application for the elementary school job, I went to DSW to see if they offered a more affordable alternative to the perfect shoes. They did in fact have a perfect substitute. They retailed for only $39.99 and were an additional 30% off making them in the neighborhood of $28. They didn't have my size so I had the store call their other locations to see if they had them in my size. They had them in Overland Park so I headed 25 minutes West to pick them up. When I got there I opened the shoebox with my little hold tag on them to much dismay. They were the wrong shoes. The store didn't even have the glitter flat. Slightly annoyed but still hopeful, I continued my search. I headed to their third location another 15 minutes away only to find an even more dismal selection. I stopped by Oak Park Mall for a hail mary attempt at locating the discounted shoes before making my long trek home. A few hours and a tour of Johnson County later, I made it home.
The next day I called DSW's Zona Rosa location. The woman on the other end of the phone said she had the shoes and in my size ready to hold them for me. I double checked and asked, "There the one's with glitter all over the entire shoe?" She confirmed and with Daniel in tow we drove 40 minutes North (through construction traffic) to pick up the shoes. I should have known. Not the right shoe, not even close to the right style, not the same brand. I mumbled and grumbled my way through the aisles of shoes venting to Daniel about the lady's complete incompetence. This is not like me, but these were glitter flats dammit! She apologized and stated how she should have checked the style name. Well duh! What did she think when I requested a particular style name? That any pewter colored flat would be fine?
I ordered them online today. I didn't get the extra 30% off, but I did get free shipping. If I had fought for the discount I would have had to pay shipping since they were under $35. I'll be glad when the whole glitter flat fiasco is over. But as a result of all this drama, I haven't thought about my interview on Friday morning for the new job and how nervous I am. Distraction accomplished? Did I really just create a week-long scenario to consume my mind in order to spare myself from dealing with the anxious feelings I'm having about something that really does matter? I think so.
One of the main reasons I'm most excited about getting a full time job is to keep myself busy and focused on things that matter. Now that I'm working again I find myself SIGNIFICANTLY less anxious because I am too busy and tired at the end of the day to worry about insignificant things. I'll be glad for the day when I don't have time to run around town in pursuit of $28 sparkly flats. This is called "getting a life."
I feel super lame after this entry, but it helped me feel better by venting. Besides if I let stupid entries keep me from posting, I'd be on another two week hiatus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
